This episode from Family Guy perfectly summarizes parenting on most days. Being constantly present for your child physically and emotionally makes parenting one of the most stressful jobs in the world. From toddler tantrums to talking back, maintaining your calm as parents in these moments seems like an impossible feat. What is mindfulness in parenting? The concept of mindfulness in parenting ensures that the physical and emotional toil of parenting does not get in the way of bringing up a well-rounded child. Mindfulness is a choice that one makes to consciously remind oneself to remain in the present moment irrespective of what is happening around. Mindfulness guides parents to be fully present in the moment rather than having to react based on past or present occurrences. Mindful parenting reinforces being completely present with yourself and your child. This allows the parent to be more calm, composed, aware, and non-reactive. And for the child, it implies a parent who is a secure emotional anchor. Quite often as a parent we are quick to respond to our child’s reactions. Turning a no into a yes and yelling at them when a situation is out of our control, we forget to play a role in modelling emotional regulation in our children. Instead, when we focus on the present moment we focus on our emotions, and our thoughts, and reflect on our child’s hurt feelings rather than on unrealistic expectations from our child. How to practice mindfulness in parenting? Before we dwell on strategies to practice mindfulness, it is important to understand 4 important concepts in mindfulness: i) Self-awareness - Mindfulness is a concept easier to talk about than to put into practice. In order to tune into your child’s emotions and emotional responses you need to be aware and attuned to what buttons push you and what you feel in response to your child’s behaviour. ii) Self-regulation - It is not just important to be aware of what feelings one is experiencing but also to be able to remain with those feelings and avoid reacting instantly. iii) Empathy - It is not always easy to non-judgmentally look at things from your child’s perspective, be it a toddler or an adolescent. However, being able to understand what your child is experiencing and expressing will also allow them to validate their emotions. iv) Active listening - “To be understood as to understand” This phrase emphasizes the true need to understand and listen to what your child is trying to communicate to you, both verbally and non-verbally. Now that we have understood the concepts of mindfulness let us look at some practices to mindfully parent. Pause…Reflect One effective way to practice mindfulness, parenting or otherwise, is to first pause what you are doing and then reflect on what is happening. Quite often when our children are throwing a tantrum or misbehaving, it puts us in a state of alarm. We feel a need to bring the situation under control, often resulting in us losing our tempers and reacting. Instead when we take a moment to pause and observe the situation, we are holding space for ourselves, our thoughts, and for our children. When we reflect we are able to calmly resolve the situation and help our children regulate their feelings. Deep breathes During parenting, moments of overwhelming feelings are ample. Ever given notice of your breathing in these moments? If you give a close look at it you will notice your breathing getting heavy. Practicing breathing techniques such as ratio breathing or triangle breathing could help you distract yourself for a brief moment while you gather your thoughts. Self-compassion As parents, we are quick to be judgmental of our inadequacies in parenting. It would be helpful to remind ourselves in those moments that no one is a perfect parent, we have our days of good and bad parenting moments. Practicing self-compassion is not easy if we constantly have a critical inner talk. These tools are of course easier said than done. Mindfulness may seem daunting and complicated to practice at first. However, incorporating these principles into your daily life may help you remain calm and kind to not just your children but also to your own self. Of course, mindfulness is not a foolproof parenting tool, especially in a situation of crisis. However, employing mindfulness jointly with other parenting strategies will help you coregulate with your child and increase your bond with them. Contributed by Saritha Kashyap, Practicing psychologist Carpediem EdPsych Consultancy LLP Resources https://psychcentral.com/health/mindful-parenting#definition https://www.headspace.com/mindfulness/mindful-parenting https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25633828/ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/282390643_Mindful_Parenting_and_Parents'_Emotion_Expression_Effects_on_Adolescent_Risk_Behaviors
